Schadenfreude—the German word for pleasure derived from another’s misfortune—is far from harmless. Its comic relief masks a deeper cost: It hollows out our empathy, distances us from others, and undermines our sense of personal wholeness.
Like a lot of other Gen Xers, I grew up in an atmosphere brimming with sarcasm and schadenfreude—those biting forms of humor that revel in others’ misfortune. As much as I wish otherwise, I often found those moments of caustic humor strangely comforting—not just amusing, but somehow validating. A sarcastic quip at someone’s expense could bring laughter in a group, and watching someone else’s stumble could evoke a smug sense of superiority. But as I’ve grown and explored what it means to live authentically in empathy and connection not only with others but with myself, I’ve come to cringe at those corrosive patterns.
The Science of Schadenfreude
Schadenfreude is a universal human emotion, one that has deep roots. Researchers have found that this reaction often arises when we perceive someone else’s misfortune as benefiting us, leveling a perceived imbalance, or affirming our social status (Van Dijk et al., 2011).
The experience of pleasure at another’s misfortune arises from a combination of evolutionary, psychological, and social factors. Evolutionarily, it stems from competition and social hierarchies, where the failure of a rival can signal an advantage, boosting one’s relative status within a group. This reaction is reinforced by the brain’s reward system, particularly the activation of the ventral striatum, which associates others’ misfortune with personal gain (Takahashi et al., 2009).
Psychologically, schadenfreude is closely linked to insecurity and envy. When someone we envy experiences a setback, it alleviates feelings of inadequacy and restores a sense of balance (Feather & Sherman, 2002). This reaction is particularly strong when the misfortune is perceived as deserved, aligning with a sense of moral justice or fairness (Feather, 1999).
Social dynamics further amplify schadenfreude, particularly in intergroup contexts where rivalry between in-groups and out-groups is prominent. People are more likely to feel schadenfreude when the person suffering belongs to an opposing group, as this affirms their own group’s superiority (Leach et al., 2003). Individual personality traits also play a role; lower empathy and higher narcissism are associated with greater susceptibility to schadenfreude, as these traits reduce concern for others’ feelings. Additionally, cultural norms influence the prevalence of schadenfreude, with collectivist cultures generally discouraging such attitudes compared to more individualistic ones. While schadenfreude may provide fleeting satisfaction, research suggests it undermines empathy and fosters negative social comparisons, ultimately eroding authentic connection and personal wellbeing.
However, indulging in a laugh at another’s expense comes at a cost to ourselves. Feather and Sherman’s research showed that this emotion is associated with lower levels of empathy and higher levels of envy, hostility, and social comparison (2002). Over time, these tendencies can create a feedback loop of negativity, making it harder to connect authentically with others.
The Impact on Wholeness and Connection
From a psychological and spiritual perspective, schadenfreude pulls us away from the qualities that contribute to wellbeing and wholeness. Brené Brown’s research on connection and vulnerability highlights the importance of empathy as a cornerstone of meaningful relationships (Brown, 2012). Schadenfreude, by its very nature, is antithetical to empathy—it celebrates another’s pain rather than seeking to understand or alleviate it.
Moreover, schadenfreude erodes our integrity. When we revel in others’ misfortunes, we reinforce a mindset of separateness and competition rather than interconnectedness. This not only isolates us from others but also from our deeper selves, as it conflicts with the innate human drive toward compassion and cooperation.
Choosing a Different Path
With age and experience, we tend to gradually recognize that the fleeting satisfaction of schadenfreude pales in comparison to the joy of genuine connection. Instead of sarcasm, we learn to choose kindness. Instead of laughing at someone else’s missteps, as we grow we instinctively yearn to extend understanding and support.
Mindfulness practices have been instrumental in this shift. By cultivating awareness of my thoughts and emotions, I’ve learned to interrupt the reflexive pull of schadenfreude and choose a more compassionate response. This practice has not only improved my relationships but also deepened my sense of inner peace and wholeness.
Schadenfreude may offer a momentary thrill, but it leaves us poorer in the long run. It distances us from others, undermines our empathy, and chips away at the foundations of a meaningful and authentic life. By choosing compassion over sarcasm and connection over competition, we can enrich our own lives and contribute to a more empathetic and supportive world.
The path to wholeness often requires unlearning the habits that once seemed harmless but now reveal their emptiness. In letting go of schadenfreude, we make room for something far greater: the joy of shared humanity.
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